I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
