please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
