I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
