I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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