apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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