So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
