Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
