getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You were trust falling into bushes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
