i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize