What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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