I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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