Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
