margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
