I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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