There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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