WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
