We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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