I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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