you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
