you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
