I got chris browned last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
