And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
40s are totally the cure
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
