woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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