But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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