After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
