lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to calm my uterus...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
