when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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