My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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