the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
