rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
