At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had sex on a roof
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
