hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
