belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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