her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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