I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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