i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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