I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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