I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
