She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
