Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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