Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
