I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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