yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I deserve this hangover.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
