Four minutes until I can fart!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
