I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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