I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize