ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize