Can Purell be used as lube?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
