I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
