when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just forgot I was standing up.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
