I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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