Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
