I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
