is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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