A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
