I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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