My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
