They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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