Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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