Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
