He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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