Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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