Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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