Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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