Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am available for nakedness
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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