i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
