So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
