....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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