I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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