Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
