Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
