Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
