I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
