walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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