Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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