the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
