I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
