Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
