I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize