I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize