Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
