I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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