Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
