he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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