and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
