dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
