Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
