I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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